I love christmas.

I've started writing again. It's getting slowly, but anyway. Soon, I hope, I'll have anything done. Probably.

Tomorrow I'm becoming year older. What's the fun in it?

No. I don't hate my Birthday. I just hate the feeling.

00:08

New year.

The year was very busy. Very busy. Now I turn back and try to see what happened in my live during 2007. If talking about work - it was good year. Very good indeed. Finally my work had been shown through the world. And now I have been promoted, got the 'big money' but that's all. If talking about my personal life... It was probably the loneliest year I've ever had in my life. I've lost someone I really loved and because I am too stupid I didn't know about my true feelings while he was still alive. Now I see what I've lost. It always happens so. People don't see what they have until they lose it. Even now, months after his death I feel the same way as the day I've been introduced with the news about his end. But it doesn't matter any more. Nothing matters. Life continues and I have to live with it.

I'm so selfish. I must be punished for being such bad bad person. All I think is me, me and me. Some friends say it's normal - I'm human after all. But why do I feel so weird when other people start talking about themselves? All I want is make them turn attention to me. Is it that bad? Probably yes. Probably not.

Anyway....


Happy New Year, everyone! Let it be better than the previous.

I hope.

I've read the book. All I can say is......


WOW!

This man is God! People with such imagination.... They are called genius. If Terry lived in the middle ages, he might be perished on the stake for giving the biggest pleasure a person could ever have. I mean it. Seriously, some hundred years ago there were people who were accused in 'chatting with Satan himself' just because they could make other people imagine more than they have ever done while reading/listening/watching anything bringing true living colours in their little pathetic lives. Such creative minds would always make the little people wish to become bigger just by the thoughts they receive through those works. 

Classic! Pure classic! I already look forward the next book. I hope I will be alive when Terry Pratchett becomes the best recognized author in the current literature history, because he really deserves the crown, the scepter and all medals the world could give.

If I were the British queen, I would never doubt in giving Terry knighthood. I just wonder, why hasn't she done it so far. Shame!

I've just watched 'Epic Movie'.

That's the most stupid annoying hilarious BRILLIANT bullshit I've happened to watch ever.

woooohoooo! I'm an aunt!

If I don't kill this bastard  myself I'll pay someone doing it. Cos.... ok ill say it. I LOVE my work. I LIVE FOR my work. all I do is work then go home and think ABOUT my work again. And everyone knows how obsessive I'm in my job.

But not that fucking ass.

Die stupid idiot! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who are you anyway? You're no one, but you still made me think like I'm shit. 

Why am I taking this seriously? Prob cos he ruined my day. FUCK YOU!

I can never be that depressed

I've been talking to that Welsh guy on msn for some days (nights actually) for probably 5 or more hours per night and I feel so fucking cool. I mean he's cool and we have interesting conversation every time and he's acting good (i.e. not like an asshole) and we're having great time. I think he's a great person, very interesting chat partner and everything.  Though it takes from my leisure, but I have nothing much to do anyway. I need to chat to people from time to time, especially intelligent ones. Because I'm dying of boredom with all the stupidity around me.

Seriously, I didn't know I have that power. I just went to the big boss and told him EVERYTHING. I didn't know I would have the strenght, but I did. He stood silent for a while, then he opened the co-worker's file and started reading. In silence. Men, I felt like I was in lord V.'s office. LOL In some minutes he looked up and nodded. Then he spoke: 'OK, she stays'. I don't know what would M say, but I don't care. He's a jerk.

w00t! Am I good? YES, Viv, you are! You are the best! LMAO

Anyone who is about to be fired: call me! ROFL

I have nothing more to say. I'm so disapointed.......................

Before I go to bed (recommended) I have to say this:

FUCK MY STUPID CO-WORKER WHO MADE ME STAY FOUR MORE HOURS AFTER WORK!

If anyone cannot do their job, they have to be fired, right? And that's what I intended to do, but then I thought about what would have happened if I did. He has a family. And a wife who's pregnant. And he has a mortgage. ANd his souse is braking apart, cos of his stupid selfish m*r f*g brother who didn't care about what happens to his half of the building. Then I realized I love my job and that I have to be grateful for having such a perfect staff, including J. Yes. he's been in stress lately and he really suffers, though he doesn't want to share (which is his own decision) so I have to be more flexible.

OK,I'll not fire him. But next time he screws the office's half year work, he's gone.

1. Write the report
2. Search for those papers
3. Read that one book
4. Start writing anything, cos I'll die from boredom
5. Make some more avatars cos it's funny! :)
6. Order the "Making Money' book
7. Work
8. Fire that stupid bustard that almost ruined my work in NY
9. Go out with the cutest guy ever
10. Visit mom
11. Go to the shops
12. Prepare for the weekend (going to Paolo's again)
13. Go to Paolo's
14. Take care not to get drunk, cos my angels are weak and that's what Paolo needs ;)
15. Upload Sybil's wedding pics (ah, she was so cute there lol, me too)

I'm in good mood. Yep. Send me anything, write me anything, I'll make good comments, I promise. And I'm ready to beta anyone. But warning: my English grammar sucks.

And, Bee, Happy Future Birthday! *hugs* You are good and very smart author I want to see published. Go on. Never stop, cos no one would ever say 'Good onya' for that. Be stubborn, babe. Stubborn people make the good things. Make me proud more than I am now. Cheers! *lifts glass of Martini in Bee's honor*.

He's very good. No, he's brilliant. I left him all alone and he did it perfectly. How could I be proud with someone more? I thought my withdrawal would make him scared, panicked. But he got himself together very fast and did the job so greatly!. Now I know my job is completed. Time to go home.

And a personal: I think I'm in love. Does that mean I'm cheating on Marc?

I hate NY in summer. I hate hotel rooms. I hate that stupid band outside playing their stupid phony music. I hate when I'm in a bad mood................. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

edit:
I was thinking to prolong the 'Meet me last week' story, but then I went on FF and... What for? They didn't buy it, the reaction is very poor, not what I've expected... Yes, they are reading it, but it seems no one understands the meaning of it all. They don't want it continued. OK, you win. I give up.

I'm going to NY tomorrow afternoon. Have to work and then go home and SLEEP! :))) AT LAST! If the man gets applauded, I won't even hear this, cos I'll be dead asleep. Wish me luck. Then wish me nice sleep, cos I'm gonna sleep for ages! :)))))))))))))))))

Sybil's wedding is on Saturday. I'll be off for the weekend, which is good (holiday!!!!!), cos I'm the first made (lol). It's gonna be fun, cos she doesn't know where the wedding will be and when she gets it... oh joy, oh joy! She's gonna like it very much.

Though I still think Alex is total ass. He made her pregnant just to prove he could marry her. SHIT!

Some mildly funny laptop jokes

Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."

Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows - because of the icons - I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."

Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to-"

Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."

Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a filing cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"

Customer: {click} 



 Bhahahahahahahahaha..............

I'm sorry. I was in a very bad mood last night and I posted something in here... I didn't have to. SORRY if anyone felt offended. It's deleted. I do apologize. It will not happen again.

*goes to the corner and punishes herself*

Mary had a little lamb
she also had a bear
ive often seen her little lamb
but ive never seen her bear

Mary had a little lamb
the midwife had a fit

Mary had a wristwatch
she swallowed it one day
now shes taking laxatives to pass the time away

Mary had a little lamb
she tied it to a pylon
a thousand volts went up his bum
and turned the wool to nylon

Mary had a little lamb
she ate it with mint sauce
so verywhere that mary goes
the lamb goes too of course

Mary had a little sheep,
& with the sheep she used to sleep,
The sheep turned out to be a ram,
Now Mary has a little lamb

I haven't had a decent sleep for about 70 hours. I need to, but I can't. Soon the project will be done and I could go to bed. Finally. Now what I do is go to bed and pretend to sleep. And thinking all the time. About everything. I want to do my job greatly. I want to see this person succeed, he really deserves it. He made all his best to show what he could do. I don't know such person, doing so big step - from nothing to... Well, he is great and I have to say just one thing: He deserves my lack of sleep.

I need a holiday, but only when everything ends. Not yet.

OK, I have to attend a birthday tomorrow, so I was checking online what to buy that guy. So, here's what I've found, while browsing. I confess, it's not for a guy, but this article stole my attention. Check it out yourself:


Yeah, I would be... hmm... generally said, angry if a guy gives me such present. If in bad mood.... I hope you have rich imagination....?

I thought I would never say that, but... I'm totally bored. And my leisure turned into work. Again. Boring work. I love my job. I love my job soooo much, but it became bored lately. WHY? I wish I knew the answer of that stupid question.

And I haven't write anything lately. My beta came back and we chatted on msn for a while and he asked me if I have anything to send him. SHIT! I had to apologize saying I have nothing. Cos I'm too damn busy. 

I wish I had some time for me. I mean for writing. Cos what I do is go to work, work, then come back home and sleep. That's my daily schedule. I thought I would never come to that point to complain for my job, but it seems boredom is a good reason to start. Right?

Thanks God that weird day ended. They say the end of the month is freak and they're right. Firstly I had to meet the accountant who's a total ass, then I had to argue with that one co-worker, who's been total ass as well. But the evening ended chatting with those absolutely funny people on that one forum Sybil's moderator in. 

They're so great and they really talk about Discworld. You know, I've been in many forums when I've been expecting they would stay in the topics, but people always ruin them with pointless chat. Hey, I love the site. :)

And I've broke them down with my knowledge of the subject. I rock. LOL

In four words: Day - suck. Evening - rock.

hahahahahahahahaha

I saw someone I haven't seen for years. He met me on the street, grabbed my hand and asked how was life going. And before I could answer he asked me how's Marc. I burst into tears. Then we had a long chat, he tried to relax me, but no success. 

I miss him. Anyone losing someone that dear to their heart could understand how I feel now.

I've lost the meaning of my life. I want to die.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha............

I've met the most stupid person I've ever seen in my life today. I've never heard of him before (though most of my co-workers are quite famous in my sphere of business). So, he said he was ... (censored) and he added he was very well known ... (censored). If he was, I would definitely heard of him. But I don't even know his name, for God's sake. And he pretended to be a specialist in something (?!?). OK, I didn't say anything, just let him believe I trusted him. So, I've watched after whatever he was doing, especially listening his speech. OMFG, that person was telling such crap!!!! And then I let him lead in a meeting with that one dramatic author. He screwed every single thing up as no one I've seen before. I still remember the confusion in the author's eyes, saying: 'WTF?!'

Who are you trying to fool up, stupid man? ME? NO WAY! 

Read my lips: No.... Way.....

I've called him late afternoon for a word and told him he's not what we need. He seemed confused and mostly, absolutely shocked. It seems he counted on his non-existing professionalism. And that's what I told him when he started offending everyone in my office and me in general. Oh, so? Yeah? You, sucker! Go to your small village in the middle of nowhere where you belong. You might have been someone there, but what we need is people with brains. Not people thinking they are gods without even a simple knowledge in directing.

Yeah, I'm mean. But I'm honest and I think I made him a favor. Soon he might wake up from the dream he lives in and smell the coffee.

That's all.

p.s.  Ah, I'm working on that one story. I am. I AM! Just need some more time besides my job that occupies all my time. Sorry, Bee. A bit more patience? *puppy eyes*

I've started working on the prolongation of 'Meet me last week' story. I'm working quite slow, because I have to dribble between the project I'm working on and the story. So, Bee, have patience. I'll send you the new chapter as soon as I feel a bit ready (it might happen in some time, you know...)

And between the time I'm pretending to be busy (in fact I'm veeeeeeeeery lazy), I do stupid things such as filling this stupid quiz.

Ha!

I've met some friends today. A casual meeting with the casual bla-blas, as usual. But the topic we discussed at the end was rather unusual. 

The long-lasting marriage.

My friend Tasha's grandparents are married for fifty years. Fifty years!!! My first thought was: 'Don't they hate each other?' She said: 'Strangely, but no.' That's amazing. Living with someone for fifty years, knowing every single secret, every single habit, what they do each morning, the way they wash their hands, the way the sip their soup, where they scratch themselves knowing no one's looking, how they throw their clothes when going to bed... Every single thing... And still LOVING EACH OTHER....

WOW!

Such things are so impossible these days. Most of the people ever married I know are separated or divorced. What they explain is the usual 'characters incompatibility'. That's strange. How could such reason be existing now, but not fifty years ago? And how could such couples save their love for so long time? I wonder...

My mom and dad are separated for years. They cannot live near each other, they cannot live in the same country without arguing. Me and my sister had to witnes their painful arguments, suffering when seeing our both parents we love hating each other THAT MUCH. That made us what we are today. My sister cannot get married because she's afraid that in some years she would be hating her husband. And she's refusing each good man proposing. Perhaps she will die as spinster. Probably I would be the same. 

How do people keep love? Where's the secret?

I don't want to die surrounded by dozen cats. HELP!

I am going to sue my internet provider. They are gay and they should pay for giving me double slower internet than I am paying for. And my PC bugs constantly, though it's fine, cos my company's IT manager checked it some times. But they have to pay. And they will. Dearly. I have noticed my lawyer, he will contact them tomorrow morning. I know there will be begging part and *other* part (wish for, suckers, I'll not let myself down. There are too many friends I have that could smash your little heads, that's why you should stay still and obey.)

They should know - no one plays with me. They should pay for all those times I have noticed them and they didn't react. They didn't even give a shit. Once I didn't have net connection for a whole day!!!! WTF?!? And NO ONE even came to check what's going on, though i set the phone line on fire.

You'll pay for this, suckers. You'll be sorry.


Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha*.....................

*that meant to express my evil laughter

I've seen the shop I sold his suitcase. The smell was just the same. The same broken button, the same code they seem don't want t change. I was that close to buy it out. That close... So many memories.

I wish that stupid project ends. I wish I had time for myself. I wish I was drunk. I wish I could've turn back time and say 'NO' to that dumb co-worker. I wish I was prettier. I wish I was a bit less intelligent to understand dumb people's jokes. I wish I was lazy so I could lie down on my sofa all day long. And to lie down on the sofa all day long I wish I was richer. I wish I was happier sometimes. I wish I wasn't that depressed. I wish I had him alive. I wish I had a child. I wish I could fly for real not in my dreams only. I wish I was not that picky in everything around me. I wish... Sometimes I wish I was someone else.

I've been so busy these days. And it seems I'll be for long time. So, any projects are stopped for now. If I find a second, I'll write. If not - I'll write in my mind. LOL Yeah, I will. There are some plots already developed. But I have to steal time to put them on paper or better in my PC. So... yeah.

Bored....

I'm SO bored...

I'm gonna kill someone! I'm gonna kill someone particular! How could he do it? Shit! And so what?! How could I ever trust him from now on? He's dead. He must still breathe and move, but he's dead for me.

No one shows interest on my newest story on FF. Oh, great! That's exactly what I was expecting. Sometimes I hate when I'm right. That experiment succeeded. Good on me! If anyone ever reviews it would mean they have noticed the trap. LOL

Yeah, I know, that's so bad of me. But I just wanted to know the mental level of the people reading on FF. In case I post anything REALLY valuable in future. I mean what I've been working on lately. Sorry if anyone feels offended. Good on The_Midget_Bee though. She rocks!!! 

People with brains, where are you?

The new story 'Meet me last week' is on bigcat132a. Thanks to the_midget_bee     once again for the valuable beta. 

Now a bit about the story: Just a small experiment (of course) with politics. You know how much I value it and there was something I wanted to write about for some time. Especially observing what happens around these days. Just wanted to see what a Discworld character would do to Rounworld. 

That's all.

I fell asleep on the beach. Stupid! VERY stupid. Now every single inch of my body hurts badly. And I have internet access. Which is good. So, while everyone's out frying in the sun, I'm here, on my comfy bed, the air-condition is on, have a big coke with lots of ice in and have fun. So, I went on That_Darn_Goth's journal and here's what I've stolen from there (forgive me, Lord, ---and That_Darn_Goth--- for I've sin).

OK, I'm leaving tomorrow morning. The flight is at 9am, everything is ready, the bag is packed, the list with the necessary stuff's checked twice. 

So, I will have to wish a good trip myself. I love flying, that's the best way to travel ever invented. I know airplanes could be very dangerous, I mean, they fall. But I never imagined anything like that could happen to me. I could imagine a car crash, a train crash, a ferry one. Airplanes are more trustworthy than any other transport facility. But sis is so much afraid. How could I explain her there's nothing to be scared of?

Anyway, I'm going to Mallorca for the weekend. And I'll be back with a tan. LOL

I'm just back from a huge great awesome party! YEY! Dad came back this afternoon from Paris to make mom 'happy' LOL and brought me that absolutely gorgeous GUCCI bag and a small collection!!!! of BELISSIMA lingerie. Dad rocks. He know how to make his little girl happy.

Anton invited me on a great party and I accepted. You cannot EVER believe, but mom and dad came too. WOW! They never come to those parties AND mom!!!! get drunk there LOL. I see mom drunk for first time. She's so funny. So cuddly and huggy. And dad kissed mom in front of everyone. ROFL

Oh, Gods, does it mean they are back together? Yes, they make sex once a month (I pretend I don't know about that LOL) but dad always goes back to Paris. This evening he said he's staying for longer. Oh, hope, hope, so much hope they'll be together again. The whole family... *sighs*

Sis called this afternoon, said she's going to Majorka. It means I'm going too. She's humping that guy Mauricio and he's so cute and generous. He gave me that sweet thingy last year, it's great, absolutely great. Never had so good organizer, it never bugs, it has internet access and is so sweet. Thanks, Mauricio. 

So, sis has to tell me when they leave and I'll be honoured LOL to accompany her. Just in front of mom and dad, cos they don't know sis shags him, they think he's too low class LOL Old folks, what to say...

But I'm taking my PC and I'll be working on the stories I promised to The_Midget_Bee and That_Darn_Goth, so... Oh, I've started one of them, just a few lines, it sounds good, but needs a bit editing. So, when my head sobers up, I'll go on.

That's all.

My beta goes to vacation. Anyone wants to take his place until he's gone?

No one? OK then.

Christina Aguilera rocks. Such voice! WOW! Love 'Hurt' - the song I've been listening lately. 

What does it say? That I'm in deep depression. I am in deep depression for very long time and it's clear why. Sometimes I want to do something. ANYTHING to get out of that mood.

No use.

I'm scared... Sometimes I think about suicide... My shrink says it's a cry for help. 

If it wasn't my job I love so much... Thanks to my friends! Dear friends, you keep me alive. You helped me so much! I'm so lonely but you make my live so precious. I wouldn't live without your love. All of you!!!

My cell phone died. 

How stupid of me - drop it on the floor. Well, the floor is stone one, and it cracked, screamed painfully and... died... 

I feel so sad. I have this phone for years and you know how people get used to some stuff... But, looking critically, it wasn't the best, it bugged from time to time, and had to be repaired twice. But... I miss it. If cell phones go to heaven, mine would stand on Lord's right side. I've been bad to it, I didn't care of it, it was scratched and hit... Poor one... RIP!

Next time I'll buy a better one. I hope it will not break in parts when it falls on the floor.

I must be very good, because my co-worker called me for help this morning. The script she's working with sucks, yeah, it does. And she was the unlucky one to take it. And it's her first time, so she was so scared. Dear one, poor little one. I would gladly help, even if I'm called at 4 am I am willing to jump from bed and come. But the attitude should be fine. Otherwise I wouldn't even pick up the phone. I know it's nasty thing to say, but that's me.

And the new one is very good. And I like her. She's sweet and kind and that's what I like. And mostly, she respects me. 

I've read something on FF. Good job, Bee. Very good job. The first time I read it I was impressed. The second time I was stunned. And then every little detail started to show up. Very good job, indeed.

And thanks to BTK for reviewing my story. It sucks, but the review was really nice. Oh, I miss intelligent people gone for quite while from FF. Now they are coming back and that worms my heart. That site is finally ALIVE!!!

OK, I'm posting the story on FF tonight. Umm... I'm not sure if I should post it. It's... boring. And I hate it. That's all. I said it. I hate this story and I had to put that stupid random name... Shit! I'm so good in names, but I'm stuck with this one.

Here it is. Don't hate me. I was pressed to write it. Blame Anton. 

Look here:  bigcat132a

This is a specially formulated diet designed to help WOMEN cope with the stress that builds during the day




BREAKFAST
1 Grapefruit
1 slice whole-wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

LUNCH
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Choc chip cookie

AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the choc chip cookies from the packet
1 tub of Haagen Daz ice cream with chocolate topping

DINNER
4 bottles of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size Supreme pizza
3 snickers bars

LATE NIGHT SNACK
1 whole Marks and Spencer cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

REMEMBER :

'stressed' spelled backwards is 'desserts'

---

edit:
Also good (better) way to cope with stress is HUMOUR.

I read this on MySpace.

Hmm... Yeah, parents are guilty for that, no doubt.



If every mothers are like that mom, I wish to be childless forever.